This reminded me of being free. Something I wish I could be. I wish I could be free to be who I am, to be with who I want to be, to be all that I can be. &You know what? I think for the first time in my life this opportunity has come and I am actually seizing it. I cannot stand for the bullshit I used to exist as, and I am now bringing the old me back. &Relient K said it best:

Who I am hates who I’ve been

Seriously. I tricked myself into settling for the lesser, the acceptable, the tolerable. Not anymore. I will live from here on out and I will be who I want to be. I am going to reach towards the sky, and as another quote said it best:

Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you’ll land on the stars

&That’s exactly what I am going to do from here on out. My dreams will be achieved, my love will be found, and my life will be complete. I was the only person who was actually stopping myself from achieving this in the past, and now I am moving on. From here on out I will live life as I please. That means laughing louder, falling faster, seeing clearer, being stronger, crying harder, living longer and everything else. No one can stop me anymore. And it is all because of you. <3

Thank you for inspiring me like no one ever has, for helping me get my life back. I owe it all to you.

Clear-headed&unrelentlessly ambitious

_Bella.

(Source: fearlessknightsandfairytales, via ginamarieee12)

Con te partiro: Reblog if you think gay marriage should be legal.

hellokittywh0reandglitter:

viria:

gwy:

attilee:

flintlock:

yanagoya:

a-storms-approaching:

is it even possible to get that amount of notes?

Holy shit. The notes. I love humanity sometimes.

WOW

Don’t usually do the REBLOG IF YOU HERP DERP HERE, but…

(Source: aimee-likes-cats)

photo creds to leeleeemily on DeviantArt

Perspective. It makes a fuck load of a freaking difference. &The worst part about it is that you are always in YOUR perspective. Yes, that is a given, but I feel like ‘tis not acknowledged as much as one would think. Or maybe my problem is being in the moment TOO much. I am a strong believer of living in the moment, and I am not talking about drugs or alcohol, those sorts of artificial enhancers. No. I mean actually taking everything in around you. When you go hang out with someone, do not text. That is rude for one, and two it takes away from the moment you are currently living. If you are going to be that distracted by the texting then what is the point of you being there at all? I mean I certainly am not perfect with following this rule but god damn I try really freaking hard not to text when hanging out. When one is texting there are things one does not actually have time to take in. Like the scents around the room. Like the one thing that the other person did differently with theirself that day. You stop taking in detail because you give into your natural endorphins pumped by technology. So stop texting when hanging with people, live in the moment. <3 But anyway, random tangent…I tend to do that often.

SO as I was saying, I tend to be in the moment a bit too much. Sometimes I forget to take a step back, reflect and realize how everything actually is. What seems this way or that in the moment is actually quite often a false interpretation. Everything I am saying seems, well, common sense. Yes, and I lack common sense so get off of my back. ‘Tis reflection that defines those moments, you see. Without reflection one does not have experience, hah Mr. Doyle’s philosophy class coming in now, because what happens in the experience is affected by the post-experience. ‘Tis not until one thinks back on an event or memory that one could appropriately experience it. Think about it, you do not think about that time you brushed your teeth on a casual day — do you remember it? Is there any significance? No. You did not reflect on it and thus could not formulate the experience into a memory. It does not even exist to you because you do not think of it, thus the lack of the experience. Only when you say “Oh remember when..” because you reflected on it, you probably thought about how funny the moment was or how happy it was that it becomes an experience. Reflection. Key to experience. — Once again a tangent..

SO, anyway, I have a tendency to…read into things…way too deep. Andd then I also have a tendency to be paranoid as fuck.. … So what seems like anger or lack of interest may not be that at all. The mental state has QUITE THE EFFECT on your interpretation of the moment. &I can be quite negative, so then I start interpreting things all in the wrong way when in reality all is well. For example, I was texting someone and, with a negative mindset, interpreted it all wrong. So as a frail person, too human at heart as usual, I threw myself into a vicious cycle of constantly misconstruing the context and tone and thus delving deeper into my distorted mind. ‘Twas not until this morning when I read back through the conversation that…well, what do ya know. ALL WAS FINE. Nothing seemed angry, disinterested or careless. -Sigh. I know right? Go me. Hah. </3

All of this made me realize…or rather once again truly acknowledge the fact that I am my own worst enemy. Seriously ! Hence my whole “the worst part is that you are always in YOUR perspective”. Your mind is so incredibly powerful and you are your harshest critic. Things are not as bad as they are unless you make it. Things are not as swell as they are unless you make it that way. Things are not awkward unless you make it < [[ True statement that MOST people do not acknowledge ! ]] . So before you jump to conclusions, realize that you are in your own perspective and that sometimes you have to take a step back and realize the truth. One is biased as a motherfucker when one does not do this. Then he/she cannot help but have an egocentric view and thus incorrectly judge the situation. Yeah I know that I am ranting about shit that you probably already realized, but this is for me. Writing is quite therapeutic, I like it. :] ♥ Hahaha.

Unfortunately, as human as we all are, I realize this today, yes, I will feel as if I have made a breakthrough and I will change and never go back to this.. Oh if ‘twas a perfect world. But ‘tis not the case. So yeah, I am safe. For today. Tomorrow will be another whole battle, and probably, in all honesty, the same one. Hah. Oh hoorah and cheers towards being too human! [[ But then again, I would much rather be too human than a heartless shit, but that is a rant for another time. :D ]]

Undeniably human&happy.♥

_Bella.

photo creds to nur tanrioven on DeviantArt

Take me to a place like this, far, far away. That way I don’t have to deal with this anymore. Like the fact that you’re gone. I don’t know what to do with myself. Without you here I do not feel the same..

Why is it so hard to find someone who will love you for you, who would do anything for you, who just wants to be with you and will fight their all for you? That’s probably what makes love so damn worth it, because if it was that easy then it wouldn’t be as valued. But one question. What is it to make it so difficult that someone gives up on love and thus will never experience that joy of having someone to love, to hold, to cherish? What a lesson to teach, ironically, from that which is potent enough to make someone can with that much power break someone as well. Then how does one win? After so many heart breaks, so many let down hopes, so many failures, one still persists to find such true love pronounced in movies and novels. Maybe because without love one loses theirself in the process. It makes little to no sense to pursue something which is practically impossible to find. So without being self-affiliated with such truth, we still strive and look for it. How is one so certain that it’s actually out there? Looks are deceiving anyway, so ‘perfect’ relationships are hardly proof because we have no direct particular involvement in the matter anyhow to know the real story. Faith. Faith explains it all. I mean without faith, one is left with a desolate, pathetic world that is slowly depleting itself. Feats and beliefs that are otherwise driven by faith would seem hopeless and pointless. Sigh. I have no idea what I’m trying to say, but long story short, let us just say that I am a hopeless romantic and I wish that ‘twas not the truth.

lost&hopelessly faithful.

_Bella.

Have you ever been addicted to something you’re not supposed to? Like you know it’s wrong but it feels so right. Or does it? Guilty conscience on your mind, isn’t there? How does one rid themselves of such an addiction? Do you reflect upon yourself and realize the truth? Do you reflect upon yourself and realize the lies? Do you get an overdose of that which is addicting and become sick of it? Do you completely banish it from your life? Or do you slowly get rid of it, lessening the doses as time passes by..

What if you can’t get rid of the addiction? Do you let it consume you? Do you harshly exclude it from your life? Do you get moral support? And if you do get moral support, what if you are upbraided for so? Because the addiction is a sin. Addiction is a sin which is a guilty pleasure, one that destroys you from the inside out. It sneaks in, slowly becoming a more urgent need of your’s, and then before you know it, it has already consumed you whole. By that time, it’s too late, it has already spread like wildfire. How do you douse the burning passion, this sick burning desire to fulfill your addiction? What if you don’t have what it takes..

Just visiting. Quick blog. College is coming up soon, I’m really nervous and stressed out about it. Freaking out. Will blog more often when college comes around. ♥

♥♥♥

I hate myself sometimes. I wish I didn’t think so much. I wish I knew what was really going on. I hate how I look. I wish I knew why I felt this way. I hate how I am. I wish I knew.. These thoughts constantly plague my mind when .. I don’t know.. it happens. Like for one moment I can be fine, and then something small, something that wouldn’t normally bother me, just triggers all these thoughts. Then I’m thinking too much, then I get really depressed, then I get frustrated and mad and upset. &I think to myself: Do I know why I am mad? Then I think about it and I feel the answer, but I cannot think it. I mean that probably doesn’t make sense but that’s the best way I can describe it. Then I start making up excuses, lame excuses for what I’m thinking. &I don’t know why I just used the word excuses, but it seems like it fits. Maybe it is what it is and I’m just in denial. Maybe it’s just because I’m emotional and not thinking straight. But the thing is, I can’t tell the difference, and frankly it frightens me. It all just seems so real to me, and I don’t know which of my thoughts have truth to it and which of them don’t. It’s all a silly little thing to say, to think, to feel, but it seems inevitable for me. I feel like this incriminating cycle of beating myself up and then getting upset for doing so will always haunt me. My entire life. I don’t know if there’s a true source behind this problem, because if so, then I need to find it. Fast. Because I just stopped myself from making a huge mistake in my life. Well.. Maybe it isn’t.. I don’t know! I have to stop thinking. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. I start having doubts about things and it’s either from me getting into my own head or me realizing the truth, and I just cannot tell the difference! It’s scary. I feel like I can’t handle anything. I may or may not make a drastic decision about something important because I cannot tell the difference! &So help me whoever is out there, I do not want to do somethin so rash as such. I need help. I need to be safe from my self. Or maybe that’s not how my approach should be. Rather than being safe from myself, I must confront myself and think: What is the truth?